Get back with your partner
After a while, you will be ready to decide if your goal is to go back with your partner or move on. If you decide the former, you’ll need to get ready in some areas that probably have been reduced due to the traumatic split that you just experienced. You will need to recover some energy before you face your partner and suggest a change. If saving a relationship is not an option, go ahead with your decision.
First, you must strengthen your self esteem, remember that you may have been responsible for the breakup itself, or you may have had to play that role, thus, your partner’s approaches may be full of recriminations, accusations, critics, etc.
Are you mentally prepared for it? Can you stand up for your interests without playing the victim’s role? Emotionally you must be very strong in order to convey this message and win back his/her trust.
If you decided to split and move on, your partner will not believe in your decision and his first reaction will be to deny it.
Get ready for this
You need to be ready for it; you cannot afford to undergo an emotional breakdown every time you have to talk with him. Follow these simple steps:
- Repeat your point again and again
- Make your point clear right from the beginning and go over it only once
- Do not validate yourself all the time, it will transmit signs of weakness
- Defend your position. If questioned, talk about something else; do not play his/her game.
- Pay attention and show affection if you are treated well; do not do this if he/she verbally attacks you.
- Show your feelings and assume your share of responsibility. He/she will feel calmed.
Are you afraid to be alone?
You have to consider your own needs at all times. You will have to think about the real cause that makes you want to get back with your ex: is it protection? Love? Do not pick the wrong reasons for getting back together. It will be just very painful.
Are you afraid to be alone? Do you just want to be with someone? If so, remember the bad memories you had in this relationship and see if it is worth the pain to get back together only by fear. Sooner or later you will finally get over the fear and you will be able to be on your own again. Your partner will need some time too to acknowledge what has happened. During this time you will be liable to accusations, negativity, good and bad moments, etc. If you keep focusing on your ultimate goal you will overcome it better.
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